Motivational Monday | Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance is something I'm sure a lot of us have struggled with at some point in our lives. We all have flaws and imperfections that make us hate ourselves but it shouldn't be that way. We all need to learn to love ourselves because, if we don't, we can never be fully happy.

Growing up, I was never 100% happy with myself as a person, especially when I started my teen years. When I was 12/13, I think I came across as a happy person despite being chubby and not fitting in to society's definition of 'pretty'. I didn't wear make-up and my hair was almost always in a ponytail. It wasn't until I was 14 that I started noticing what other girls looked like and that maybe I should look like them. I changed my hair drastically, I got it straightened, got a fringe cut and dyed it red. I also began wearing make-up (foundation and eyeliner). I did all this to make myself 'fit in'. Unfortunately, I was still unhappy with myself. One of my biggest insecurities is my teeth. They were overcrowded when I was in my early teens so I hated smiling in pictures. I remember when I was having my Year 10 photo taken and I tried so hard to smile without my teeth but they ended up sticking out and I looked ridiculous. It wasn't until I was 16 that I started smiling more in pictures and trying to be more accepting of my teeth. Unfortunately, in April 2015, I had fixed braces and my insecurities came back stronger than ever. I felt like Ugly Betty without the glasses. 

It's taken me a long time but I've accepted myself for who I am. Maybe I have braces, maybe I have spots, maybe I'm chubby, but those aren't what define me as a person. Yes, I get incredibly jealous all of the time of other girls who don't have braces and have perfect make-up but, at the end of the day, we are all different and that's what makes us beautiful.

Here are some ways to cultivate self-acceptance:

• Set an intention - It's important that we set an intention for ourselves that we are willing to shift paradigms from a world of blame, doubt and shame to a world of allowance, tolerance, acceptance and trust. This intention acknowledges that self-loathing doesn't lead to a satisfying life. If you set your intention that a life with self-acceptance is better than a life with self-hatred then you can begin a chain reaction within that leads to a life of peace.
• Celebrate your strengths - Instead of focusing on all the negatives about yourself, try and list all the positives about yourself instead. I know this can be difficult but I'm sure you have something good in your life. For example, I'm very fortunate to have a loving family, a roof over my head, I'm healthy, I try my hardest to be as independent as possible and I'm always accepting of others. Your strengths can come in any forms, for instance, even leaving the house when you're feeling low is still a great achievement. Your strengths are all worth noting, no matter how big or small.
• Consider the people around you - Obviously if you're being surrounded by people in a negative environment, you're never going to be happy. Think about the people in your life. Do they treat you with respect? Are they accepting of you? Do they pick you up when you're down? If the answer to all those questions is 'no', then I would suggest finding some new people to spend your life with. Be friends with people who make you answer 'yes' to all of those questions.
• Forgive yourself - Having regrets can stand in the way of self acceptance. We all need to learn to forgive ourselves, we can't change the past. The behavior or decision might not seem correct in hindsight, but at the time it seemed like the best choice. Instead of regretting, learn from your mistakes. 
• Shush your inner critic - We all have one. A inner critic that tells us all the negative aspects of ourselves. "You look too fat", "You look ugly", ect. A lot of people equate this inner critic with the voice of reason but this is wrong. Whenever you're having these thoughts, in your head, tell that critic "I may look fat, but I'm happy with my body" and "No, I'm looking good as this is my face and it's the only one I have so I have to accept it". Our mistakes and our imperfections are not bad or wrong or failures – they are the fingerprints of humanity and opportunities for learning, healing and growth.
• Be kind to yourself - A lot of people are hesitant to show even a hint of self-kindness because they see it as selfish or undeserved. One of the keys to self-compassion is understanding that weakness and frailty are part of the human experience. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or family member.
• Perform charitable acts - When you sacrificially give to others, you see how your deeds are a positive influence on other lives. It becomes more and more difficult to maintain the idea that you are no good when you see how your deeds help other people.
• Know that acceptance is not resignation - Acceptance is letting go of the past and things we cannot control. This way you can focus your energy on that which you can control, which is empowering. In fact, for some people, accepting that they have a problem is the first step to making positive changes. 
• Fake it until you make it - If you're unconvinced that you're a worthy person, keep the faith and keep at it. Keep practicing self-compassion along with the other suggestions. 

It may be difficult, at first, but as long as you keep repeating the above acts, you'll eventually accept and be happy within yourself. 

Thank you so much for reading this blog,

I really hope it helps in some way or another.

❤

Motivational Monday | Speaking Out About Depression

Hi, sorry for not posting a blogpost in ages, I've been out a lot and been posting on my other blog, Katie's Film and TV Reviews. 

Since today is Monday I thought I'd do a Motivational Monday post and speak out about depression. Not a very happy topic, I know, but hopefully me speaking out about it will motivate others to get the help they need.

What is depression?
Depression is more than feeling sad or fed up for a couple of days. Everyone has days where they feel down but when you're depressed you feel sad persistently for weeks or ven months. Most people think that depression isn't that serious and isn't a mental condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with symptoms. It's not something you can "snap out of". You don't immediately feel better when someone says "Pull yourself together". It's not as easy as that. But the good news is that with the right treatment and support, the majority of people can make a full recovery from depression.
What are the symptoms?
Psychological symptoms can include:

• Continuous low mood or sadness
• Feeling hopeless and helpless
• Having low self-esteem
• Feeling tearful
• Feeling guilt ridden
• Feeling irritable and intolerant of others 
• Having no or little motivation or interest in things
• Finding it difficult to make decisions
• Not getting any enjoyment out of life
• Feeling anxious or worried
• Having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself

Physical symptoms can include:

• Moving or speaking more slowly than usual
• Change in appetite or weight
• Constipation
• Unexplained aches and pains
• Lack of energy or interest in sex
• Changes to your menstrual cycle
• Disturbed sleep

Social symptoms can include:

• Not doing well at work
• Taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with other people
• Neglecting your hobbies and interests
• Having difficulties in your home and family life

If you have any of these symptoms, please get in touch with your Doctor or GP.

I think my depression started when I was young because, as a child, I was very emotional. What I'd mean by this is that I'd cry almost every single day. At primary school, I was very shy and unconfident and hardly spoke except to my friends. I was an average student, I would work hard in every subject but still feel really insecure about myself. I remember a few times where I would randomly burst into tears as I'm a sensitive person and everything hurt me, even 'jokes' that were meant to be funny, I'd take it the wrong way and cry.

Even my own family used to joke that I couldn't go one day without crying. Looking back now, I think I was depressed, I'd just didn't know it. 

When I began high school, I was very nervous. And yeah, you guessed it, I cried on my first day as I got lost and didn't know where my form room was. Other people in that situation would've remained calm and asked someone for directions but not me. I was fine when I found the form room and my form tutor was very sweet about it, fortunately. 

The first two years were difficult, if I'm honest. I had a friend, who I'd known since the beginning of primary school, and we were still close until she made another friend. I tried becoming friends with this other girl too but it was hard, especially because they kept leaving me out of things. Back then I wasn't really comfortable with being on my own and my insecurities grew. I felt like they both hated me. 

In Year 8, though, I made two new friends but, unfortunately, she was bullied a lot. When I think about it now, it's horrific how much bullying went on in the first two years. I think it's just people being immature but there was simply no need for it. However, she would just simply ignore the comments but, one time, we were in the changing room after PE and a girl was being really rude to my friend. I hated that she was being so mean so I cried. I couldn't stop myself and me and my friend were sent to Headteacher's office to explain what had happen. My friend didn't like speaking out so it was up to me to explain why I was so upset. The situation was dealt with and, luckily, that girl didn't speak to us ever again. This is why speaking out is so important. The majority of people, who are being bullied, don't speak out as they're worried the bullying will get worse. They're worried that if the bully finds out that they told someone, they'll bully them even more. Don't think like that. Tell someone. Whether that be a friend, a parent or a teacher, just tell someone. That's the best thing you could possibly do. If you tell the teacher, they can deal with the bully.

Anyway, bullying was one of the reasons why I felt so sad. 

I remember in, early 2012, I became even more sad. When I was 12-13, I was very chubby. I look back and I cringe at how fat I looked. Fortunately, I didn't develop an eating disorder as I love my food too much but I did lose weight. I've never weighed myself but I do think I'm around 8st now, which is fine.

Anyway, I had personal health problems causing me to have a low attendance in school and I felt so stressed and insecure that I self harmed and - this is ridiculous - cut my own fringe. Literally, went into the bathroom and got some scissors and cut my own hair making me even more insecure about my appearance. For months, whilst my fringe grew back, I would have to wear silly hairbands otherwise my fringe would literally be sticking up like Cameron Diaz's in There's Something About Mary!

It was at this point that my Mum made me see a therapist to speak out about my problems. I told her everything, about me feeling unconfident growing up and the stress with school. She helped me a lot and told me that it's okay to feel sad but just remember that it really isn't the end of the world. I may be having a bad day but that's just one day out of a thousand, maybe even a million, more days to come. I felt happier after that session and returned to school after a two week absence.

Just before I started Year 9, I decided to dye my hair red and I remember taking a selfie and looking at my new hair and how confident I felt. Now over three years later, I love dying my red hair. 

During Year 10 & 11, I did still have low points but I just got on with it and did my best at school. I still had my health problems causing me to have low attendance which is the reason I didn't do too well in my GCSEs. (I got one C and one D) I remember getting my results and being devastated. What made it worse, I think, was that my friend got mainly As and Bs and, even though I was really happy for her, I couldn't help but feel jealous. Of course, when I look back, I couldn't help how ill I was all the time and, at the end of the day, I did my best and that's all anyone can do. If you're not happy with your results just think this: "I tried my hardest in that exam, that's what really matters."

I went on to do Level 2 Media at my local college but I quit after three months of the course because I wasn't enjoying it. I think this was the most depressed I'd ever felt so I spoke to the tutors and told them that I was unhappy and I was leaving. This was in December 2014, so for six months, I was bored. Everyone else was either at school, doing their A-Levels or had a job. I had neither. I wanted a job but because of my depression and lack of confidence, I couldn't get one.

That was around two months ago and now I have recently just signed up to do Performing Arts at my college in September and I'm so happy I'm finally doing something.

What's the point of this blogpost? Well, I just want to tell you that it's okay to feel low and have bad days but we can't those days define our lives. 

My tips for fighting depression and feeling happier:

• Watch your favourite film/TV Show or read a book - Whenever I'm feeling low, I always put my favourite film on. I'd suggest watching a comedy as laughter really is the best medicine. 
• Listen to music - do you have a favourite singer or band that you like to listen to? Try listening to your favourite song and singing the lyrics, it will boost your mood.
• Eating - as I said before, I love my food, so if you're feeling really sad, try eating your favourite food, whether that be ice cream or an apple, just eat. Eating my favourite foods make me really happy, especially if it's pizza. 
• Talking - speaking out about your problems helps because it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Discussing how you're feeling with someone close makes you feel better as they can give you advice and share how they're feeling too.
• Get to know yourself - Write about your feelings in a diary or on your laptop. Take note of what's happening in your life and what can make you feel better and what can make you feel worse. That way, you can deal with what is bad for you and avoid the people or things that make you feel worse.
• Understand that it's okay to feel sad - In the words of singer/songwriter Jessie J, "it's okay not to be okay". Don't judge yourself for feeling sad. I used to hate myself for getting upset all the time but I understand that being sad and depressed is something we have to go through in our lives and I can now appreciate the happier moments in my life.
• Set small and realistic goals - take small steps and try to achieve simple goals. It's better to say that you'll take a little walk than to say that you'll spend every day next week going to the gym.
• Get some fresh air - it's always good to get some fresh air instead of staying inside all day. Walking to my local shop whilst listening to music is a great booster for me as it always makes me feel happier about myself and the day that I'm having.

I really hope that my tips help and, if you're still feeling really depressed, I would suggest speaking to your Doctor or GP. Don't keep your feelings inside as they will get worse. 

Stay strong, things will get better. 

❤