Self Acceptance is something I'm sure a lot of us have struggled with at some point in our lives. We all have flaws and imperfections that make us hate ourselves but it shouldn't be that way. We all need to learn to love ourselves because, if we don't, we can never be fully happy.
Growing up, I was never 100% happy with myself as a person, especially when I started my teen years. When I was 12/13, I think I came across as a happy person despite being chubby and not fitting in to society's definition of 'pretty'. I didn't wear make-up and my hair was almost always in a ponytail. It wasn't until I was 14 that I started noticing what other girls looked like and that maybe I should look like them. I changed my hair drastically, I got it straightened, got a fringe cut and dyed it red. I also began wearing make-up (foundation and eyeliner). I did all this to make myself 'fit in'. Unfortunately, I was still unhappy with myself. One of my biggest insecurities is my teeth. They were overcrowded when I was in my early teens so I hated smiling in pictures. I remember when I was having my Year 10 photo taken and I tried so hard to smile without my teeth but they ended up sticking out and I looked ridiculous. It wasn't until I was 16 that I started smiling more in pictures and trying to be more accepting of my teeth. Unfortunately, in April 2015, I had fixed braces and my insecurities came back stronger than ever. I felt like Ugly Betty without the glasses.
It's taken me a long time but I've accepted myself for who I am. Maybe I have braces, maybe I have spots, maybe I'm chubby, but those aren't what define me as a person. Yes, I get incredibly jealous all of the time of other girls who don't have braces and have perfect make-up but, at the end of the day, we are all different and that's what makes us beautiful.
Here are some ways to cultivate self-acceptance:
- Set an intention - It's important that we set an intention for ourselves that we are willing to shift paradigms from a world of blame, doubt and shame to a world of allowance, tolerance, acceptance and trust. This intention acknowledges that self-loathing doesn't lead to a satisfying life. If you set your intention that a life with self-acceptance is better than a life with self-hatred then you can begin a chain reaction within that leads to a life of peace.
- Celebrate your strengths - Instead of focusing on all the negatives about yourself, try and list all the positives about yourself instead. I know this can be difficult but I'm sure you have something good in your life. For example, I'm very fortunate to have a loving family, a roof over my head, I'm healthy, I try my hardest to be as independent as possible and I'm always accepting of others. Your strengths can come in any forms, for instance, even leaving the house when you're feeling low is still a great achievement. Your strengths are all worth noting, no matter how big or small.
- Consider the people around you - Obviously if you're being surrounded by people in a negative environment, you're never going to be happy. Think about the people in your life. Do they treat you with respect? Are they accepting of you? Do they pick you up when you're down? If the answer to all those questions is 'no', then I would suggest finding some new people to spend your life with. Be friends with people who make you answer 'yes' to all of those questions.
- Forgive yourself - Having regrets can stand in the way of self acceptance. We all need to learn to forgive ourselves, we can't change the past. The behavior or decision might not seem correct in hindsight, but at the time it seemed like the best choice. Instead of regretting, learn from your mistakes.
- Shush your inner critic - We all have one. A inner critic that tells us all the negative aspects of ourselves. "You look too fat", "You look ugly", ect. A lot of people equate this inner critic with the voice of reason but this is wrong. Whenever you're having these thoughts, in your head, tell that critic "I may look fat, but I'm happy with my body" and "No, I'm looking good as this is my face and it's the only one I have so I have to accept it". Our mistakes and our imperfections are not bad or wrong or failures – they are the fingerprints of humanity and opportunities for learning, healing and growth.
- Be kind to yourself - A lot of people are hesitant to show even a hint of self-kindness because they see it as selfish or undeserved. One of the keys to self-compassion is understanding that weakness and frailty are part of the human experience. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or family member.
- Perform charitable acts - When you sacrificially give to others, you see how your deeds are a positive influence on other lives. It becomes more and more difficult to maintain the idea that you are no good when you see how your deeds help other people.
- Know that acceptance is not resignation - Acceptance is letting go of the past and things we cannot control. This way you can focus your energy on that which you can control, which is empowering. In fact, for some people, accepting that they have a problem is the first step to making positive changes.
- Fake it until you make it - If you're unconvinced that you're a worthy person, keep the faith and keep at it. Keep practicing self-compassion along with the other suggestions.
It may be difficult, at first, but as long as you keep repeating the above acts, you'll eventually accept and be happy within yourself.
Thank you so much for reading this blog,
I really hope it helps in some way or another.
❤
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