Since today is Monday I thought I'd do a Motivational Monday post and speak out about depression. Not a very happy topic, I know, but hopefully me speaking out about it will motivate others to get the help they need.
What is depression?
Depression is more than feeling sad or fed up for a couple of days. Everyone has days where they feel down but when you're depressed you feel sad persistently for weeks or ven months. Most people think that depression isn't that serious and isn't a mental condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with symptoms. It's not something you can "snap out of". You don't immediately feel better when someone says "Pull yourself together". It's not as easy as that. But the good news is that with the right treatment and support, the majority of people can make a full recovery from depression.
What are the symptoms?
Psychological symptoms can include:
- Continuous low mood or sadness
- Feeling hopeless and helpless
- Having low self-esteem
- Feeling tearful
- Feeling guilt ridden
- Feeling irritable and intolerant of others
- Having no or little motivation or interest in things
- Finding it difficult to make decisions
- Not getting any enjoyment out of life
- Feeling anxious or worried
- Having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself
Physical symptoms can include:
- Moving or speaking more slowly than usual
- Change in appetite or weight
- Constipation
- Unexplained aches and pains
- Lack of energy or interest in sex
- Changes to your menstrual cycle
- Disturbed sleep
Social symptoms can include:
- Not doing well at work
- Taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with other people
- Neglecting your hobbies and interests
- Having difficulties in your home and family life
If you have any of these symptoms, please get in touch with your Doctor or GP.
I think my depression started when I was young because, as a child, I was very emotional. What I'd mean by this is that I'd cry almost every single day. At primary school, I was very shy and unconfident and hardly spoke except to my friends. I was an average student, I would work hard in every subject but still feel really insecure about myself. I remember a few times where I would randomly burst into tears as I'm a sensitive person and everything hurt me, even 'jokes' that were meant to be funny, I'd take it the wrong way and cry.
Even my own family used to joke that I couldn't go one day without crying. Looking back now, I think I was depressed, I'd just didn't know it.
When I began high school, I was very nervous. And yeah, you guessed it, I cried on my first day as I got lost and didn't know where my form room was. Other people in that situation would've remained calm and asked someone for directions but not me. I was fine when I found the form room and my form tutor was very sweet about it, fortunately.
The first two years were difficult, if I'm honest. I had a friend, who I'd known since the beginning of primary school, and we were still close until she made another friend. I tried becoming friends with this other girl too but it was hard, especially because they kept leaving me out of things. Back then I wasn't really comfortable with being on my own and my insecurities grew. I felt like they both hated me.
In Year 8, though, I made two new friends but, unfortunately, she was bullied a lot. When I think about it now, it's horrific how much bullying went on in the first two years. I think it's just people being immature but there was simply no need for it. However, she would just simply ignore the comments but, one time, we were in the changing room after PE and a girl was being really rude to my friend. I hated that she was being so mean so I cried. I couldn't stop myself and me and my friend were sent to Headteacher's office to explain what had happen. My friend didn't like speaking out so it was up to me to explain why I was so upset. The situation was dealt with and, luckily, that girl didn't speak to us ever again. This is why speaking out is so important. The majority of people, who are being bullied, don't speak out as they're worried the bullying will get worse. They're worried that if the bully finds out that they told someone, they'll bully them even more. Don't think like that. Tell someone. Whether that be a friend, a parent or a teacher, just tell someone. That's the best thing you could possibly do. If you tell the teacher, they can deal with the bully.
Anyway, bullying was one of the reasons why I felt so sad.
I remember in, early 2012, I became even more sad. When I was 12-13, I was very chubby. I look back and I cringe at how fat I looked. Fortunately, I didn't develop an eating disorder as I love my food too much but I did lose weight. I've never weighed myself but I do think I'm around 8st now, which is fine.
Anyway, I had personal health problems causing me to have a low attendance in school and I felt so stressed and insecure that I self harmed and - this is ridiculous - cut my own fringe. Literally, went into the bathroom and got some scissors and cut my own hair making me even more insecure about my appearance. For months, whilst my fringe grew back, I would have to wear silly hairbands otherwise my fringe would literally be sticking up like Cameron Diaz's in There's Something About Mary!
It was at this point that my Mum made me see a therapist to speak out about my problems. I told her everything, about me feeling unconfident growing up and the stress with school. She helped me a lot and told me that it's okay to feel sad but just remember that it really isn't the end of the world. I may be having a bad day but that's just one day out of a thousand, maybe even a million, more days to come. I felt happier after that session and returned to school after a two week absence.
Just before I started Year 9, I decided to dye my hair red and I remember taking a selfie and looking at my new hair and how confident I felt. Now over three years later, I love dying my red hair.
During Year 10 & 11, I did still have low points but I just got on with it and did my best at school. I still had my health problems causing me to have low attendance which is the reason I didn't do too well in my GCSEs. (I got one C and one D) I remember getting my results and being devastated. What made it worse, I think, was that my friend got mainly As and Bs and, even though I was really happy for her, I couldn't help but feel jealous. Of course, when I look back, I couldn't help how ill I was all the time and, at the end of the day, I did my best and that's all anyone can do. If you're not happy with your results just think this: "I tried my hardest in that exam, that's what really matters."
I went on to do Level 2 Media at my local college but I quit after three months of the course because I wasn't enjoying it. I think this was the most depressed I'd ever felt so I spoke to the tutors and told them that I was unhappy and I was leaving. This was in December 2014, so for six months, I was bored. Everyone else was either at school, doing their A-Levels or had a job. I had neither. I wanted a job but because of my depression and lack of confidence, I couldn't get one.
That was around two months ago and now I have recently just signed up to do Performing Arts at my college in September and I'm so happy I'm finally doing something.
What's the point of this blogpost? Well, I just want to tell you that it's okay to feel low and have bad days but we can't those days define our lives.
My tips for fighting depression and feeling happier:
- Watch your favourite film/TV Show or read a book - Whenever I'm feeling low, I always put my favourite film on. I'd suggest watching a comedy as laughter really is the best medicine.
- Listen to music - do you have a favourite singer or band that you like to listen to? Try listening to your favourite song and singing the lyrics, it will boost your mood.
- Eating - as I said before, I love my food, so if you're feeling really sad, try eating your favourite food, whether that be ice cream or an apple, just eat. Eating my favourite foods make me really happy, especially if it's pizza.
- Talking - speaking out about your problems helps because it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Discussing how you're feeling with someone close makes you feel better as they can give you advice and share how they're feeling too.
- Get to know yourself - Write about your feelings in a diary or on your laptop. Take note of what's happening in your life and what can make you feel better and what can make you feel worse. That way, you can deal with what is bad for you and avoid the people or things that make you feel worse.
- Understand that it's okay to feel sad - In the words of singer/songwriter Jessie J, "it's okay not to be okay". Don't judge yourself for feeling sad. I used to hate myself for getting upset all the time but I understand that being sad and depressed is something we have to go through in our lives and I can now appreciate the happier moments in my life.
- Set small and realistic goals - take small steps and try to achieve simple goals. It's better to say that you'll take a little walk than to say that you'll spend every day next week going to the gym.
- Get some fresh air - it's always good to get some fresh air instead of staying inside all day. Walking to my local shop whilst listening to music is a great booster for me as it always makes me feel happier about myself and the day that I'm having.
I really hope that my tips help and, if you're still feeling really depressed, I would suggest speaking to your Doctor or GP. Don't keep your feelings inside as they will get worse.
Stay strong, things will get better.
❤
